Throughout my journeys in dog rescue, I have been struck
with awe at the kindness and generosity of strangers. Tonight, it is the
kindness and generosity of my friends and colleagues that brings me to tears. My
heart is overflowing with gratitude.
Let’s be honest: asking for help doesn’t come easy to me. I
have been disgusted with myself these past couple of months with how often I
have had to ask for help. And I have been equally grateful to others who have
provided that help. I had to admit that I couldn’t train Missy on my own; in
response to that, I was given two training sessions to learn how to teach Missy
the basics. When I stupidly mis-clipped her leash to her collar and Missy
trotted off across the PetSmart parking lot, my yell for assistance was answered
by an employee on his break. And when Missy was attacked at the end of the
block, my cry for help was answered by neighbors, strangers, and a fire truck
full of firefighters.
Even the small complaints of “I don’t know what to do,”
(which is really, “Please help me” in disguise) were answered by friends like
Amy who came by to meet Missy and teach her (and me) a few things, and Katya
and Mike who safely discovered how Missy was around other dogs and gave me
pointers on how to continue training her, and Christy who is forever answering
my stupid emails and voicemails asking for advice.
With less than a week left and no new foster or forever home
in sight, I was a mess. I was hopeless and helpless. The confidence I had for
Marty when I said to Amanda, “Marty will be in a home in two weeks,” simply
wasn’t there for Missy. I wasn’t expecting a miracle. I had been hoping for
one, but the flame of hope was dying out.
And then a miracle did happen.
That miracle is the amazing and kind and generous cast of
this insane production called my life. Friends I’ve known since I was four year
old, and friends I have only known four years... they’ve come together in my
time of need.
My Plan B for Missy, should a foster not be found, was to go
to David’s in-home training program. Essentially, I’d be headed to my distant
location job, and my foster kid would be packed up and sent to boarding school.
She wouldn’t be in a concrete cell with cinder block walls and a chain link
door; she’d be in a crate in David’s house to sleep and during the day, she’d
learn to be with other dogs and get training with David.
Because of the generosity of Missy’s silent financier, I
didn’t think it would be a problem. Granted $75 a day is a lot, but $20 a day
to be boarded in a kennel with no stimulation or comfort indefinitely seemed
like a greater waste of money to me (not that I had either $75 or $20 a day to
spend; it was a theoretical opinion.) Belinda sent a request to Missy’s
financial supporter for two weeks’ worth of training, knowing that 30 days
worth was a large chunk of change, especially when she already spent $400 on
lessons.
When she didn’t hear back, I went into panic mode.
I couldn’t drop Missy off at a kennel on Saturday. I
couldn’t. I can’t. I won’t. In my mind, I angrily put aside my much-needed
fence and now my much-needed deck (I learned today it is being ravished by
termites; it’s only a matter of time before it’s gone and they move onto the
structure of the house.) I would have to pay for Missy’s training.
I then learned Chipin.com, rescue’s most trusted resource
for fundraising, was closing its doors on March 7th. I scoured the
internet trying to find a replacement site that I could raise the money on. The
universe sent me a lifeline. I left Christy an advice-seeking voicemail last
night about sites to use, and this morning Christy received a fundraising
effort from youcare.com—a site she hadn’t heard of. I sent the info to Belinda and
within in an hour, Belinda set up a fundraising page for Missy’s training.
Even though our ultimate goal is $2250, Belinda set her goal
low: $1000. That would be almost enough to get two weeks. I knew I’d be
contributing whatever we couldn’t raise, but if we could raise the $1000,
that’d be only $150 I’d need to put in. The dream of my fence was beginning to
reappear.
If Missy’s silent sponsor did respond to Belinda’s request,
then Missy would get a full 30 days. If I could get 100 people to donate just
$20, we’d have enough even without Missy’s sponsor. I could do that. I began to
have confidence—the kind of confidence I had for finding Marty a home, I now
had for raising $2000 in two days.
The flame of hope brightened and strengthened.
To my grateful bewilderment, in only four hours from the
site going live, a third of the $1000 goal was already raised. I told Belinda
how incredibly overwhelmed I was with my friends’ generosity.
“Are you crying?” she asked, surprised.
“No... Well, yes. I just can’t believe how much they gave!”
As I write this, only twelve hours from when it all began,
with only a dozen contributors, we are just $65 short of our goal. Actually,
Belinda is expecting a $50 check from one of her supporters, and a friend of
mine said she’d contribute in the morning. So really, we did raise $1000
in less than a day.
This morning, before I began the Missy fundraising effort, I
read a blog that Katya wrote about a dog she tried to help, but couldn’t: (http://katyalidsky.tumblr.com/post/44738607494/chesters-music.) My
eyes welled up with tears; I was so sad for her. I wrote to her that she
shouldn’t feel like she failed this dog. And here’s why:
As we walk along our path in life, we encounter many souls.
We stop for some, some join us for a time, sometimes we even veer off our own
path to help another find their true path. But we can’t help them all. We can’t
carry every one that needs help; our hands get full. But that is not our
failure. We can only hope that there is someone behind us on the path that will
pick up those we can’t carry.
Tonight I am thankful for all those souls on my path that
walk not behind me, but beside me. The cast of characters in my life’s journey
are helping me carry this one, helping me help Missy. They helped by providing
moral support, by sending out messages of her journey, and today they gave from
their wallets. Some may not have even a dime to spare, but
they gave anyway.
My Christmas and birthday gifts consist of PetSmart and
PetCo cards and dog blankets and dog toys. My friends and family know that the
greatest gift I can receive is one that I can pass on to those I want to help.
The gift people gave today--the gift of schooling to Missy, is two-fold. It is
for her, certainly. But it is also for me.
Just because I write certain things to other people, doesn’t
mean I apply the same words to myself. I feel like a failed Missy. On a grand
scale, I hope to leave this earth a better place than the way I found it. When
it comes to each dog, I need to leave them in a better place than where I found
them (or rather, they found me.) Taking Missy to a kennel would have ripped my
heart out. And I’m quite certain I would not have been able to contain my pain
in front of her. Taking her to David’s, although it will be hard, will not be
the same sense of failure, betrayal, and abandonment.
I truly believe – I need to believe – that this training
will give Missy the leg up on a forever home, and if not that, at least a
foster home where she can be happy with other canine friends. I knew what she
needed, and I wanted to help her, but I couldn’t do it alone.
This gift my friends gave me isn’t just of money. It’s time.
For the past few days, I have been spending my days either prepping for my job
or trying to find somewhere for Missy to go. And, when not actively doing that,
simply being depressed and sad about the situation. Missy has spent the past
few days alone on the couch, giving off an air of depression, probably picking
up on my stressful and distressing vibes.
But now, thanks to this support, I can relax for a moment. I
can do what I want to and need to be doing right now: spending every last
second I have with Missy simply with Missy. Not searching for money and a
foster. Not being upset and distraught. But doing what every dog does so well,
that thing that I need to keep relearning to do: to just be.
Here is the link to Missy’s fundraising campaign:
You can
still give even though we’ve reached our goal. Every dollar will go toward her
training, and the more we get, the more training she will receive.
Missy thanks you, Belinda thanks you, and I thank you. From the bottom of our hearts. I am forever grateful and thankful. Missy will get training, I will get peace of mind, and for the next two days, I will get to just be with this beautiful golden girl, knowing that because of all of you, I do indeed get to leave her in a better place than where she found me.
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